busy

There is busy in our house. Busy is helping all the things come together for a certain little tornados birthday. Crafting is happening, plans are falling into place and little by little, a party that somehow looks like the colour pink has thrown up, is starting to build.

Busy is fabulous for distractions. Replacing your focus from thinking, to doing. But there is a catch, when busy stops, your brain kicks in. Yesterday I stopped and I got kicked hard.

I’ve joked to other mothers about needing survival tips for when your babe turns one. They have all smiled, relayed party advice and said in a soft tone ‘try to enjoy the day’. I didn’t take much from it, but now I see why. I’m a hot mess of nostalgia.

I now see the tiny baby photos of Indi (that I looked at last week no less) and feel my heart jump, my face go raw and the hot tears well in my eyes. Each ‘project’ that I finish for the party is another lump in my throat.

I hate that this year has gone so fast. It’s hard to believe its even real. You dream about having your own kids, then when it happens you can’t comprehend how all this magical stuff is happening. And that you created it. This year has been so unbelievable. I don’t think I could have ever imagined how full my heart would be, how busy my life would become, how much learning would take place, how my world would change and how becoming a parent would change both of us, for the better.

Two years of wanting and aching for a child of our own. Then to be blessed with a healthy little bundle. That little monkey is now turning one. To us, this birthday, this milestone has been almost a three year lead up (excuse me while I catch my breath). No wonder it’s shaking me.

How do I not turn in to a blubbering mess when she blows out her candle? I’m so afraid of being that mum, hiding in the kitchen, every year, in denial that their child is growing up. Im very grateful that there will be champagne to keep me grounded this weekend.

This is where I’m at. The hallmark stage. Reminiscing and remembering a tiny little babe that would snuggle into my chest and could be held with just one arm. Oh tornado babe, my how you have changed.

Much love peeps xxx

not ready

I’m just not ready to add the last photo, it’s all gone too fast. Can not believe there is only 2 and a half weeks till she’s one 😦
Much love peeps xxx

brain busy

My brain is super busy these days. I must admit it works a whole lot harder than the rest of my body combined, I’m lazy. It’s full of ideas, and memories, lists of things to do and things that should already be done. It’s like a traffic jam up there, so much happening nothing really making any moves.

My to do lists are crazy long. It’s this time of year, I just keep adding to my lists rather than crossing anything off. I’m trying to multi task to achieve things, but it’s no use I am constantly behind.

It’s horrible feeling like you need to catch up. Reminds me of being extremely slow at cross country during high school. Knowing everyone else had pretty much finished, and there I was plodding along. It felt like I was never going to finish. But I eventually did, and thankfully cross country was only once a year.

Catching up is a priority, I know that. But my ability to procrastinate is kicking in big time. I blame tv programmers. They keep putting Disney shows/movies on, everyone knows I’m a sucker for that crap. Then there’s tiny human, who is growing up so crazy fast in front of me. I feel like if I don’t stop and steal a moment with her, ill turn around and she will be 13, telling me she hates me and threatening to run away. On top of that, the inner Christmas elf in me is pinging out on dreams of tinsel and decorating, cookies and parties. But none of these things even closely relate to grocery shopping, merging super or cleaning the bathroom.

So how do I gets self sorted? Who knows?! Probably not by hanging out with my gorgeous friends and watching movies or checking Facebook a million times or even by deciding to have a nap when the baby sleeps (she sleeps all the way through, compared to ‘real’ mums I’m practically off my face on sleep most nights).

So my plan is to make a plan (also known as more procrastination). I’m going to plan out when I want to get all my ‘to do’ list done. As well as that I’m going to make a chore schedule (OCD much crazy lady?). I’d clean everything everyday given half a chance. And lately I am telepathically kicking my own arse for not getting even the simplest things done. At least if there is a schedule I can be realistic.

The biggest problem with all this is that I’m in part a perfectionist. Well sort of anyway. It’s more that I must think that I’m the only one who will do it the right way or do it properly so I put pressure on myself to get it done and done right. I hate asking for help, and have real issues when people offer help (nope, don’t do it, do not offer me help. I need to try to figure it out myself, go through all the motions. Then when I need help I will ask for it, but only then can you give it. Yep I know, utter loon over here).

So you can see I am my own rock and hard place. Whole lot of crazies in this bag. I aim to sort through all my crazies one day. But I can’t keep procrastinating right now, I’ve got a ‘to do’ list to conquer. Why are you distracting me?

Much love peeps xxx