Archives for posts with tag: beach

Sometimes I just want to tell my dad stuff. Like

 

  • I took indi to the beach today, and for once I couldn’t stop her from running into the waves. She loved them.
  • There is a new fish market down on Marmion street, even has live yabbies from Albany. You’d love it.
  • I swam 800 m the other day, and didn’t die afterward.
  • Brought Aidan a rash shirt like yours for his birthday.
  • I made the best prawn dish the other day. Soooo good.
  • Did some more man crafting for Indi’s birthday. Getting the hang of the shed.
  • Your granddaughter thinks its hilarious to terrorize the cat.
  • I miss you.

Its hard, but its getting less painful. Memories don’t hurt, but they linger. They float around me and I take everything in, terrified I’ll forget something. I can smile when I think back, I can share stories with other people about how much he meant to me with out having to catch my breath too many times. There is still an empty place, but there are fresh, new flowers growing in front of it.

Much love peeps xxx

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Christmas was a whirlwind. It was busy, and lovely, rushed, exhausting, pretty and hard. But it was Christmas, and Indi’s first one at that.

Road trip sing along

Road trip sing along

Our little slice of heaven. A cottage by the river in denmark. Yes thats a wisteria as you enter the house.

Our little slice of heaven. A cottage by the river in denmark. Yes thats a wisteria as you enter the house.

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Side view of the entrance

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Yes that is the river (jealous now?). There is a little path that goes right down to it. Would be perfect except for the sludge.

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The deck runs down the side and around the river side of the house. Perfect for wine in the afternoon.

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A giant island bench that runs from the kitchen to the dining (yes that is a fire place at the end). Was great for all the food christmas day.

The property has all sorts of fruit trees, apples oranges, mulberries, lemons, olives, and apricots. There were strawberries and rhubarb, and herbs everywhere. And to top it off it had its very own holly bush. So glorious.

The property has all sorts of fruit trees, apples oranges, mulberries, lemons, olives, and apricots. There were strawberries and rhubarb, and herbs everywhere. And to top it off it had its very own holly bush. So glorious.

So that is where we stayed for 5 lovely nights over Christmas. We were only half an hour away from our families (4 and a half normally) and somewhere that we could relax.

On top of the perfect house. Aidan surprised me with a REAL CHRISTMAS TREE! The smell alone was to die for. Aidans parents brought it out to us, I am eternally grateful. We had brought our home made decorations with us (I was going to use as name tags on presents), so we dressed it up all perfect. With the additional help from a loud m&m eating preggo friend (xxx).

The house had a little alcove just as you entered. Perfect for surprise chirstmas trees that make you want to curl up and sleep underneath it.

The house had a little alcove just as you entered. Perfect for surprise chirstmas trees that make you want to curl up and sleep underneath it.

Christmas day was interesting. I didn’t know what to expect. Indi is into everything these day and running about like a mad woman, so expected she would be fairly happy come present opening. Pfffftttttt whatever. She would much prefer to play with the dust brush and pan.

First impressions. Ooooooooh I could rip stuff off that big green thing.

First impressions. Ooooooooh I could rip stuff off that big green thing.

Our only family photo from christmas. That is indi cranking up because we wanted her to open her presents. Nope, did not care for it.

Our only family photo from christmas. That is indi cranking up because we wanted her to open her presents. Nope, did not care for it.

The calm down after present opening. Santa brough her some bubbles, add them to being allowed to run around outside - boom happy baby.

The calm down after present opening. Santa brought her some bubbles, add them to being allowed to run around outside – boom happy baby.

Indi got spoilt (didn’t see that coming did you). But more importantly she got to spend time with family and close friends, the people that love her. Our aim for the little trip was to have as many people around to celebrate this little ones first festive season. To see the love, share laughs and of course eat too much.

Other parts of our little break look like this:

Early morning view from our deck

Early morning view from our deck

Indi stealing water, trying to look like a big girl for Cade.

Indi stealing water, trying to look like a big girl for Cade.

All christmas'ed up and grandma and grandpa's.

All christmas’ed up and grandma and grandpa’s.

Uncle zac brought tornado babe her first car. I cant imagine how much the insurance will cost on that thing.

Uncle zac brought tornado babe her first car. I cant imagine how much the insurance will cost on that thing.

Have you got my good side ma?

Have you got my good side ma?

Belleh

Belleh

Greens poo;

Greens pool

Classic albany, emu point.

Classic albany, emu point.

I got this.

I got this.

Decorations, catering, organizing, crafting, planning, keeping routines and road trips. Christmas was an event. I loved it, but I’m glad its over. Next year we are going low key. Staying home (minus road trip) or going to someone elses house (minus organisation). Its my promise to aidan (I did not promise that I wont go overboard with all the before christmas stuff tho hehehehe).

So christmas is done. Tick that box, whats next….. somebodies first birthday (please someone stop me from buying all the pink tissue paper in perth…).

Much love peeps xxx

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It came at me like a roller coaster but it only felt like a whisper.

One year with out my dad. One year of not having the man who taught me about the ocean, the reason I love Jackson Browne, where I got my curls from, where my sense of humour came from, why I nickname everyone, the reason I know lord of the rings so well, the person I ask about gardening. One year with out him.

I woke early on Tuesday, like the wind had slapped me. I literally woke coughing. The sun was creeping in and I could feel the tears weighing behind my eyes. Indi woke early too, only minutes later. Which (luckily for me) is unusual. Not being at home, I went in and picked her up. She snuggled in straight away. As I brought her back to bed, Aidan woke too. Despite the heavy feeling with in, I was surrounded by love exactly when I needed it. The heavy moved back into the shadows.

It wasn’t a day for tears, for that I am thankful. It wasn’t a day for dredging up dark wet piles of grief either. It was just a day. A day that made us think fondly of a man who was our world. So I did. I smiled and loved, I lived and I was still in my moment. I was still enough to absorb the memories, to cherish what I once had.

I was determined to take dads paddle board out. The weather was looking pretty crappy though, and it Aidan was trying to convince me otherwise. Quoting disgraceful 90’s songs I told him ‘Aint nothing gonna break my stride’ I was going paddle boarding. It was happening.

My dad always said that you can always find a beach that fits the purpose, you just gotta look. He was a surfer who knew more about swell and tides and waves and wind than anyone I know (although I don’t know any weather men personally, I’m told my dad was a bit if a whiz at this stuff). True to his word, Albany handed me that beach on a silver platter.

Aidan carried the board down to the beach (have you seen the size if a paddle board? They are huge. I can’t even reach the top of the car to touch the board let alone get it down). I was totally prepared to fall off and make a giant idiot of myself. A few of the other people on the beach must have thought so too because they decided to call out a few non encouraging words. Just to make them feel bad, I didn’t fall off. And had I not been focusing hard on balancing I would have yelled back some if their not so nice things and pulled fingers as I did it. Up your bum old bitter beach goers, I totally got this shit!

Indi crawled into the water, fully clothed. Not really what we were prepared for. She also climbed up on to the board and then proceeded to dive in to the water head first off the board. All this was unassisted mind you. The kid is part mermaid. She loved the water, crawling and splashing about. Not too impressed with her salt rash though, but easily pleased once more by sitting under the tap as I washed the sand off my feet.

I feel whole again after taking the board out. Feel like I spent time with my dad. It was nice to do something that we would have done together, had he been here. Comforting almost.

So the day didn’t suck. It was nice, good, normal even. Which in itself feels weird and brings a wave of guilt. But for now that is enough. Just enough so I can hang up my big winter grief coat until I need it next.

Thank you for your kind thoughts, all received with a grateful heart.

Much love peeps xxx

On sunday it was pretty nice weather, the sun was out and so was lady heff pots chubby little thighs. Aidan really wanted Indi to have her first beach experience in WA, and as we are off to Bali next monday (yes thats only six sleeps) it was a perfect opportunity for those little bubba feet to touch down on the sandy whites of the beach.

My dad was a surfer and the beach ran through him. It was where he was most comfortable, where he felt whole. Before I had Indi I dreamed of the day when my dad would show my kids his world. Teach them about the swell, tell them stories of surfing and fishing and teach them to swim and surf. I always wanted him to be there when they first set foot on the soft sand, and dip their wee little feet into the wet, cold white wash.

I had avoided this moment for a few weeks. I didn’t think I was ready, but like all mums my head switched and I saw it from Aidan and Indi’s perspective. And then I thought about what dad would want. So when Aidan suggested it again, I picked up the camera and jumped in the car. Brave face and all.

Oh it was hard alright. The ocean itself is where we lost dad, so anxiety was pinging through me. Then I had to watch a father introduce his little girl to a new world, (cue about a million memories of me and my dad). In that moment, my heart flew in to the air, watching Aidan, full to the brim with pride and smiling as big as the sun, show Indi all the different things along the shore line (the swelling of my heart with love is a feeling I can not even begin to describe).

Its hard when your expectations don’t translate into reality. But you can’t grieve for dreams, and you can’t let those expectations stop you from experiencing whats in front of you. So that’s what I did. I let myself be in that moment. Sun setting, soft breeze through my hair, sun on my skin, salt in the air, surrounded by two of the people I love most in the world and adding another first to our memory banks. I know how happy dad would have been, just knowing how much we want Indi to experience his world. He was there, sort of anyway. in the swell, tickling her toes as the small waves washed over her feet. He was there to tell me it was ok, and he was there telling me not to miss out on these moments. Thanks dad, I needed that.

That last picture. That there is my dad. I told you he was there. Miss you dad xx

Much love peeps xxx

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