Its been over a week since Papa Hoot (PH) started working away. For over a week now, it’s just been me and the crazies in the house. It’s an adjustment, it’s hard at times, and change is a bit uncomfortable, but we’re getting there.
The first night was hard. It kicked me in the guts. Emotionally more than anything. Let’s be honest, in terms of house work- I know my shit. And in terms of child taming, sorry I mean rearing- I’ve got my ‘working with dangerous animals ‘ licence so it’s all good.
But I’m not use to being all by myself. I’m a talker. A story teller. A shit dribbler. A self proclaimed comedian. An entertainer. I’m a performer, and as much as I love my girls, they don’t really get my sarcasm, or credit me for being hilarious often enough. So when my audience has flown away, it’s no surprise I’m a bit lost.
On a serious note, PH and I have been together for nearly 16 years. The longest we’ve been apart is two weeks. And that was before we had Tornado. So right now it feels like there is a giant bungy rope constantly tugging at my heart, reminding me that something is missing. Telling me that this feels weird, and it kickstarts my eyes into raining fairly regularly.
But we will not wallow. We will find tiny achievements each day, and always look for the cup half full.
Filling my cup this week:
The girls love Skype. The computer is next to a window, so after Lottmonster has waved and said ‘Hi’ to PH, she then looks in the window reflection and says ‘Hi’ to other Daddy too.
Tornado’s patience and manners. Well known for her busyness, Tornado has slowed down a fair bit since PH left. She regular tells me ‘I look affta you mummy’. I’m constant asked ‘do you need a cuggle?’. And she’s very concerned if I get upset. Please and thank you have come out from retirement, as well as a new found tolerance of eating the dinner that’s put in front of her (thank you spaghetti lords!). This is the counteracted by Lottmonster who had just learnt to tip her whole plate of food into the floor. But we won’t go there…
On day four, I unplugged the toilet all by myself. Tiny humans LOVE toilet paper. And a whole roll of unwrapped toilet paper doesn’t flush too well. But I fixed it! In your face super full loo!
Also on day four I had a shower. It’s a pretty big achievement. On the days my kids leave me alone for five mins to shower ALONE, you know there’s magic in the air.
On day six I realised PH’s trackies were still here! WINNING! Followed closely by the realisation that I still have to buy groceries, dammit.
On day seven I realise that I didn’t have to fold and put away all the washing which was dumped on the bed, in order to go to sleep. Shove it on to PH’s side and BOOM, problem solved.
Day ten was our first real lazy day at home. I decide a low mess activity of chalk drawing on the driveway would be fun. Lottie eats pretty much all of the red chalk. Kids end up having a bath and both sleep solidly for two hours! Tea was consumed, book was read.
Day eleven gave me a small heart attack. Because when your child eats a quarter of a cup of red chalk it has to come out the other end. Jayyy-zuss!
Yesterday, after both the girls were awake, I found them having a cuddle in Tornados bed. Snuggled up, Lottmonster in Tornados arms. Sharing giggles and a kiss. Those little moments are getting me through the harder parts. When my girls show a smidge of love towards each other, I feel like weight of it all starts to disappear. Because funnily enough, screaming, fighting, crying, and irritating each other just doesn’t make my heart melt as much.
Much love peeps xxx