This little face is looking more and more like her poppy. Each day there are things she does that reminds me so much of him.

It has been almost a year with out him. My god that stings. While everything inside of me want to curl up and hide from the world next tuesday, I know that reality is warming up its hand to bitch slap me.

The fact that dads not here is like a splinter that is stuck under my skin. You can’t see it, but you know it’s there. You can feel it, not all the time, but the pain hits you when you least expect it. The worst thing is you can’t fix it.

I’m use to it now. That soft ache is somewhat comforting in a completely weird kind of way. It means I haven’t forgotten. And I don’t want to forget.

So I’m preparing for a flying visit to Albany for the anniversary. That black hole feeling is there waiting for me to wear it like a winter coat. I’m ready. Regardless of the fact that he’s not here I’d still do anything for my dad. If that means throwing myself back into the grief cave for a day or two to commemorate him, then so be it.

Sending crazy courage vibes to you all, much love peeps xxx