I go into hospital tomorrow night. Operation on my butt, yeah, don’t ask. I will explain after I get through the next week or so. Of course I’m anxious about surgery. Who wouldn’t be. I dont think I know any one who gets excited and can’t wait to get cut open. If you are one of those people, I am raising my eyebrow in disapproval at you and wishing you could take my place.

Its being separated from little babe. Forty weeks she spent in my belly and for the past 7 and 1/2 months I haven’t spent more than 5 hrs apart from her. The idea of 4 days away from her makes me hurt. I have spent the the last hour of her being awake tonight with tears welling in my eyes, smelling her, snuggling her and telling her I loved her. How the hell do we do this parent thing? Its so bloody hard. I’m not stupid I know for a fact that she will be fine. Aidan gets to play Mr Mum and he is so excited about it too. He keeps threatening to dress her in horrible outfits (knowing fair well that I wouldn’t approve). And they will visit too. I think that will make it worse, knowing that she will leave me after such a short time. Not to mention that after my operation I’m more than likely going to be limited with my movement (apparently you use your butt a lot during the day). Its going break my heart over and over again.

How did you guys do it? Leave your little one for the first time? Was it hard? Did you cry? Lots? Did your heart feel like it was on pause till your saw them again? Did you feel like there was no sun? Did your body ache to cuddle and snuggle? This is just how I “think” the next four days will be, I am well prepared for it to be worse than that.

Tomorrow I will take about a million pictures of her pretty little face. I will tell her shes not allowed to grow or develop. I will kiss her beautiful face all over and I will sook when she has to leave me. Aidan has been directed to send me photos every couple of hours. I may even resort to skype if my separation anxiety over whelms me.

So wish me luck. Hopefully if I hold onto Indi’s toy “Somebunny” while I’m in hospital I’ll be fine.

Much love peeps xxx

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