I’m all for the bonuses that come with being a mum. But I’m getting real angry seeing people utterly abuse the system!!!

Parents with prams paring was something Aidan and I get really excited about when we first got pregnant. Easy, close parking just for having a squid?? Man, we were even considering keeping the pram in the car so we could use it before she arrived. The size of our smiles when we first got to use it were ginormous. Basically our smiles displayed our ‘yes were new parents’ sign to other people in the car pack, like a big flashing neon sign (I say that like people parking their cars cared about the two randomly hyper people with a baby grinning the arse off -trust me they didn’t). A few weeks ago we went on and after dark date night minus tiny human. So super excited we decided to hit up a movie. I noticed that the Parents with Prams parking full as it was 7.30pm, I wasn’t going to park there, it was just something a mum notices. When the movie was over at 10.30pm the car parks were full still, same cars. Being the completely rude, inappropriate snooper I am, I could not resist the urge to have  peek. Dirty little shits, no child car seat, no child on board sign, no parent with parking sticker (apparently you need one of these to park in the special bays now, we learnt that from mothers group) and no reason to have a friggen pram!!

Not impressed. I doubt the bays would have been used by parents, but it shat me off anyway. It wasn’t like there was no other parking, Garden City Shopping centre only has about a billion car parks, and after 6pm when the centre closes you could probably even park your heard of sheep if you needed to. Suffice to say, not happy Jan!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr number 2

Doing your grocery shopping and need a shopping trolley? Hell your scum! You can just wait your turn, teenagers, seniors, australians, asians, business people, people on their lunch break, men, women, transgenders they all cut you off and do as they please! Oh how I dispise grocery shopping. Add a pram to the mix and I just want to start swinging punches or ditching bananas! I’m so not kidding right here.

I’m pretty organised when it comes to shopping. I always have a list, that list is then in categories (Fruit, Veg, Shelf, Dairy, Freezer, Deli, Bakery, Cleaning and Health and Beauty), and I try to group all the things that I know are in similar isles together so that the shop is quick and pain free. *Must note that I worked for Coles for 4 years so I’m in the know of how they lay out the store.

But people see me walk in to the store and secretly rally to PISS ME OFF! I’m always aware that I have a baby and we take up space so I’m always very allowing, let people through, allow them to get stuff even if it means I have to wait. BUT…. when your manners are so far up your arse that you cant tell your being a completely selfish bunghole, then no I will not be nice to you.

A few things to note:

1. My motto during pregnancy was the following “excuse me is only two word”. I would say it rather loudly when people barged pass, bumped into me or got in my way. I swear if my child doesn’t have manners I will disown her!

2. When somebody is kind enough to allow another person with their shopping trolley through, DO NOT PUSH IN!!! Absolute pet hate! Wait your friggen turn. I experienced this in a toilet at the Bali air port, so many cultures and only a few toilets available. I waited patiently, but a few women decided that their bladder ranked higher than mine.

3. Just cos your old doesn’t mean you go first! Old lady you will not win if we go head to head. The death stare that you’ve been perfecting for the past 70 years will mean nothing up against my hard core cus words and my crazy mamma hormones! Some elderly ladies are just dang rude and need a wake up.

4. Please be aware of the other people shopping. If you park and browse DO NOT TAKE UP THE WHOLE ISLE! Everyone does this. Just use your peripheral vision and if someone is trying to get something, or trying to get past, it only takes two seconds to make room for them. Please do not waste other peoples time!

I could fix all these problems with one solution. Driving lanes in the shopping isles. Two lanes either side, the one closest for parking and the middle one for driving. Problem Solvered!!

PS. Don’t got shopping after 5.00 on a friday with a small child, its just going to add to any crazy you already had. After 5.30 on a thursday you deal with teenagers. Thursdays you have your seniors and uni students (centrelink payment), andf lunchtimes you deal with prams. Best time to shop for me? Before 11 on any given day.

Yes I’m a loon, but at least I admit it!